HIGH STAKES DIPLOMACY WITH PEACE OUT’S FINGERS

Published August 26, 2014

For more than 40 years, Stan Fingerson, AKA ‘Fingers’ has been fighting for equal rights and justice, all while becoming one of the world’s most celebrated cannabis advocates. As one half of Peace Out, a mediation agency specializing in war, he is also arguably the coolest Rogue Diplomat on the planet.

Today, in his office in San Francisco’s Castro District, I enter to find him settling into a butter chicken hoagie and an episode of Kenny Vs. Spenny on Netflix. Jerry, his pet monkey, seems unexcited to see me, as he’s just popped some popcorn and had made himself comfortable high above the filing cabinets. It’s obvious Fingers forgot about our meeting, but shrugs it off and graciously invites me in.

As I begin to set up for the interview, one thing becomes clear – Fingers’ fingers were going to be distracting. Striking in his deformity, you can’t help but feel the raw power his giant fingers possess, a constant reminder that you’re in the presence of greatness, and much like The Dalai Lama himself, the embodiment of peace. I remind myself not to stare.

Yet despite me crashing the party and the fact that the Obama Administration is making war plans for inside of Syria, that may include sending Fingers overseas, he seems laid back and in good spirits. His trademark cool is on display as he kicks his feet up on his desk, takes a toke off his pipe and munches on his hoagie. I take a deep breath, and though my first encounter brings to mind Lebowski, Spicoli and other famous dudes, I know that no one is quite like Fingers, and I’m convinced, no one is nearly as important.

RS: Thanks for taking the time to sit down with me. I know you must have a ton to do in preparation for your trip to the Mideast.
F: No sweat, man. It was either you or VICE, but they’re more for Hipsters, no? (Fingers takes a pull from his pipe)
RS: You don’t dab?
F: You know, Woody Harrelson tried to get me into that shit. It’s cool, but I’m old school. I dig my pipe, man. Simple. Tasty. And it goes great with Butter Chicken Hoagies.
RS: Rumor has it, it’s magical?
F: Magical? I don’t know about that, but sometimes when I puff, Yogi appears.
RS: Yogi?
F: This gay Indian dude that lives inside my pipe. He pops up now and then to help me get out of jams.
RS: Wow! Ok. So Like The Great Gazoo?
F: Who the fuck is that?
RS: Nevermind. Maybe we should just get into the interview… Gaza, Syria, Iraq, Iran, Ukraine, North Korea…The news seems out of control, huh?
F: Shit, it takes me two tubs of Cherry Garcia just to get me through the morning news these days. ISIS has invaded my fuckin’ dreams, man.

RS: The Twittersphere has them in cahoots with everyone from the Mexican Cartels to North Korea.
F: North Korea? Really? Fuck it. Let Dennis Rodman handle that shit. I hate Kimchi and don’t even get me started on the dog meat soup.
RS: That’s all you got? It’s scary, no?
F: Fuckin’ right it is. Those people are cooking dogs, man. They’re starving. Let’s lift the sanctions and help them out. If we’re nice and reach out, maybe they won’t want to nuke us.
RS: So you’re plan is to be nice? You think that will work on ISIS too?
F: You got a better idea? Look man, I’m old and I’m tired. I’ve seen Vietnam, the Gulf and Afghanistan. I just want to kick my feet up and watch some Netflix. Shit. I’m getting all worked up. Maybe we should change the topic.
RS:: OK, well why don’t you first tell everyone who may not know you, a bit about your uh’ accident?
F: What my fingers? Ah, man! I just told the whole story on The Tonight Show the other night. Ask Fallon.
RS: Ok, but just to give context to our readers, when you were a science student in university, you were in a lab one day and you fell into—
F: Jeez, if you’re gonna tell the story… It was 1965 in Berkeley and the CIA had me doing these crazy psychedelic acid experiments, man. So, I was mixing this witches brew of chemicals in this huge caldron and I slipped on one of Jerry’s banana peels and fell in. I guess the acids n’ shit made me grow two fingers out my head… No big deal.
RS: No big deal? You’re the manifestation of peace! Where would we be without you? So what’s it like being one half of Peace Out?

Two peace symbols have teamed up to form PEACE OUT, a mediation agency specializing in war. And whether it’s world powers, celebrities, or the evil mastermind Dabomb causin’ shit.. business has never been so good!

F: Working with Sym is cool but lately he’s been impossible! The guy’s obsessed with boning Beyonce now that he’s heard her and Jay Z are on the rocks. I mean it’s Heidi Klum after she split with Seal all over again. The guy is a dog!
RS: Ha. Well he is the James Bond of diplomats. And you? Do you have any comment about ‘Getting Fingered’, the latest craze going around Hollywood?
F: Hollywood? First it was just Conservative Republicans in bathroom stalls, but now it’s the whole fuckin’ internet, man. Everyone wants to get ‘fingered’. It’s like twerking or the fuckin’ bucket challenge. But you know what? It’s not cool man! I got Harvey Levin and his paps following my every move. I got Miley Cyrus, gettin’ me all baked and Instagraming pics of me passed out with my fingers inside her? I’m not a toy, man. I’m a human and I deserve some respect! I’ve partied with Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and the fuckin’ Dalai Lama, man!
RS: Ok, I think maybe we’ve strayed a bit too far off topic. About Israel, are you going to pop in there and try to talk some sense into those people? It seems Obama and Kerry have absolutely zero influence in the region now.
F: Yeah, I’ve been working on this plan called the ‘falafel throw-down’ where the Israelis and Palestinians have a one-off, winner takes all falafel contest. I ran it by Hillary, but she wasn’t diggin’ it too much, so we’ll see. It may need some tweeking. I’ll figure something out.
RS: People have been trying for over 60 years?
F: Yeah well, fuck you, man! Why don’t you try? We got extremists, arsonists, zionists, terrorists and all these other fuckin’ists over there, man. It’s tough biz. There’s a lot of history and a lot of religion there too. But you know what there isn’t enough of anymore… faith! It’s a holy fucking place, man! You gotta have faith. Not just faith in whatever God you want, man, but faith in each other. We just gotta go down there and remind people of their faith and spirituality! And you know what? I think I got just the way! Wink wink… toke toke.

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    Ricky Letovsky
    Nacho Night Studios